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    Mountain View

    COLUMBUS WHATSAPP JOKES AND FUN

    Welcome to the Funniest Whatsapp Jokes by Columbus Cyber



    Mountain View If you can shave your eye brows completely and draw them back
    with an eye pencil,don't ask for
    money to do your hair.You can
    equally shave your head bald and
    draw the weave of your choice..

    For it is written

    Mountain View He who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery*
    "..Similarly as we enter this cold season...
    *He who looks at soap and water lustfully has already bathed*
    Ndio mtu aniulize tena naoga saa ngapi.
    Mimi labda niingie bafu kama independent candidate.

    Do u know that marriage is the cheapest way of having sex?

    Mountain View According to me. U pay Ksh 2m dowry once off and you stay with
    the woman for 20 years which is
    240 months.
    Meaning per month
    its going to be Ksh 8,300 and per
    week KSH 2,083 and per day
    inakuwa KSh 277.
    So why should men buy Prostitutes
    for KSh 1,000 or more only for one
    round? Wakati unaweza piga mzigo
    kwa KSh 277 per day as many
    rounds as you want.
    This is a big discount.
    So get married acha ujinga!

    cc: senior bachelors
    A very touching story ::: A small boy saw a dead cat on his way home from school. Mountain View Overwhelmed by emotions, he went close to the cat and touched it.
    He touched it again.
    He touched it again, and again and again.
    He could not stop touching it.
    On and on he went on touching it.
    Anyway like I said it's a touching story.

    Nimepata Sms kutoka kwa dem jirani very sexy
    Hi mark ?`
    I nid ur dic 4 ma ass plz?,
    "Mie na kiherehere yangu nkijabu haraka,
    "Hi tew dear....... Nkam na Cd? "
    Akareply, Gosh! Cd za ni?
    Nimekuambia ```need your dictionary for ma assignment,
    Saitan Ata sai sjareply
    Nakwaruzakwaruza kichwa hapa #watoto wako midterm

    HATA HAMNA HESHIMA KWA MINJI
    Mountain View

    Murang'a Primary
    NAME : PETER KAMAU
    INDEX :24550430
    INSHA TITLE: PAKA YETU

    Paka yetu ni ya rangi nyeuthi, maitho make ni ma sako.
    ana kucha kali sana na kwanja ikiamka asubuhi yeye huenda kutia makali na gikingi Kia nyumba ngwarr ngwarr mpaka zinakua kali kama wahenga walisema,
    chanda chema huvichwa pete. Mountain View
    Paka yetu hujificha chini ya diroo na panya anajileta anaskia makucha kachah!!
    Mountain View Mountain View
    anashikwo anakurwo tena hatoki hapo
    anangooooja panya mwingine anakunja anashikwo kacha!!
    Anakufithio akiamuka anaumwo kiongo anakufa msuri.
    Paka yetu anapenda msheso sana kama kushesa na mauthi na mukanda na kioo. Paka yetu akiumwo ni tumbo anakulanga nyasi.
    Kama mujuafio mgaagaa na umbwa hali wali mkafu kwa hivyo paka yetu hataki mcheso na umbwa asiumwe.
    Paka yetu anaogopa maji moto sana. Ino Mbaka!!! Gaai
    Mountain View Mountain View Mountain View
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    When God answers your long waited prayers,maintain the low profile. Don't be proud


    A rat swallowed a diamond and the owner of the diamond contracted a man to kill the rat.
    When the rat hunter arrived to kill the rat there were more than a thousand rats bunched up and one sitting by itself away from the pack. He killed the one by itself and that was the exact one that had swallowed the diamond.
    The amazed owner of the diamond asked: How did you know it was that rat?
    He responded: "Very easy.... When idiots get rich they don't mix with others!!!"


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    Ever noticed parents write MBWA KALI or HAPA HAKUNA NJIA on the gate when their daughter hits 17 years. When the daughter is 30, unmarried and still living at home they change it to TUNAUZA MAYAI YA KIENYEJI....na THUMU WA NGUKU.
    Sijawahi ona dem m-Sudanese na mimba! Kwani watoto wao husimama kwa tumbo? Kuuliza tu...
    Hii campaign period haipendi ujinga. Unaita dame for a date anakuja na running mate. Hapo ndio mimi huzima simu na kujifanya independent candidate
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    Awkward days in schools during examinations


    Do you still remember those awkward days Mountain View in schools during examinations...
    When a bright student tells the invigilator that question 4 has a problem, but you have already answered it?
    When a fellow student asks for a graph paper...,
    but you are finished and did not see anywhere where it was required?

    When the invigilator says jump question 6 we will rectify it later...,
    but it was the question you enjoyed most while writing the examination?
    When you see people busy using rulers and you are wondering what is going on?
    When you hear your friends arguing after the examination whether the answer to Question 5 was 35.5% or 36% and your answer was South Africa?

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    THE DRUNKARD GITAHI FROM KWA NJOGU Mountain View 'Wake Up You Drunken Bastard'
    'Gitahi got home from kwa Njogu late one Friday evening stinking drunk, As he often did, and crept into bed beside Wambui who was already asleep.
    He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
    When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing long flowing white robe.
    'Who the hell are you?' demanded Gitahi, 'And what are you doing in my bedroom?'
    The mysterious Man answered 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm Amiro, I have been sent by St. Peter'.
    Gitahi was stunned 'You mean I'm dead!!!
    That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my Wambui...You've got to send me back straight away' .
    Amiro replied 'Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.
    'Gitahi was devastated, But knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen,
    A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking Around pecking the ground. 'This isn't so bad' he thought until he felt this strange feeling swelling up inside Him.
    The farmyard rooster Xabi strolled over and said 'So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?''It's not so bad' replies Gitahi, 'but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode'.
    'You're ovulating' explained Xabi, ' don't tell me you've never laid an egg before'.'Never' replies Gitahi.
    'Well Just relax and let it happen' And so he did and after a few Uncomfortable seconds, an egg pops out from under his tail, an immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
    When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had Happened to him ... ever.
    Joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head And heard Wambui shouting;

    'Gitahi! Nugu ino! (you monkey! ) Wake up you drunken bastard,......... Uramia gitanda niki??!!!! (how hell are have you poop in the bed)

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    After taking photos, the photographer says to the school headmaster "these will cost 50/= "
    Headmaster to teachers: "Tell the pupils to bring 80/= each for the photos."
    Teachers to pupils: "Tell your parents that we want 120/= for the photos"
    Pupils to parents: "Mummy, the teacher said we should take 170/= for the school photos"
    Mother to husband: "honey, these hungry schools. Imagine Cmm's teacher told him to take 250/= for the school photos"
    And you think corruption in Kenya will end very soon......
    Being a husband is a calling!!!

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    Just for a day........

    When I was young we had a neighbour who had a Ugandan as a househelp. This lady only understood English not even a bit of swahili. One day she came to look for mum but only my bro and I were around.
    Her : Is mum around??
    Bro :She has gone miracle
    Her : Wat???
    Me : Eeh???
    Bro : Argh, Kim mwire Mami athire kiama
    I laughed till I lost my breath..

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