KINUTHIA is on his deathbed and begins to speak:
“My son, I want u 2 take the Kangemi and Skuta Apartments.
My daughter, u take the Oun Hotel, Kamakwa apartments and the mansions on Ring Road.
My son, Chege, I want u to take the offices in town, Golf Club and Green Hills.
My wife @Njeri, please take all the residential buildings in ithi, Skuta and Kingongo.”
The nurse says to KINUTHIA’s wife, “eeh and you are so rich.
Mrs. chege” She replies, “Rich? He is sharing routes where each will be selling milk !”…
Me:Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?
Autobot: No sir, it’s Google’s Pizza.
Me: Did I dial the wrong number?
Autobot: No sir, Google bought the pizza store.
Me: Oh, alright – then I’d like to place an order please.
Autobot: Okay sir, do you want the usual?
Me:The usual? You know what my usual is?
Autobot: According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.
Me:Okay – that’s what I want this time too.
Autobot:May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?
Me: No, I hate vegetables.
Autobot: But your cholesterol is not good
Me:How do you know?
Autobot:Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
Me:Maybe so, but I don’t want the pizza you suggest – I already take medicine for high cholesterol.
Autobot: But you haven’t taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased from Drugsale Network a box of only 30 tablets.
Me:I bought more from another drugstore.
Autobot:It’s not showing on your credit card sir.
Me: I paid in cash.
Autobot:But according to your bank statement you did not withdraw that much cash.
Me:I have another source of cash.
Autobot: This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.
Me: WHAT THE HELL? ENOUGH! I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp. I’m going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me …
Autobot:I understand sir, but you’ll need to renew your passport … it expired 5 weeks ago.