this one made me laugh till I lost my breath

When I was young we had a neighbour who had a Ugandan as a househelp. This lady only understood English not even a bit of swahili.
One day she came to look for mum but only my bro and I were around.

Her: Is mum around??
Bro:She has gone miracle there murungaru
Bro: Argh! Kamau mwire Mami athire kiama murungaru πŸ˜•πŸ˜•

I laughed till I lost my breath.. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


Last night I was watching a movie, The Transporter. I think for the third time. I love Jason Statham’s action movies.

In the opening fight scene some goons armed with crow bars try to steal Frank Martin’s luxury Audi A8 sedan. They demand that he hands over the keys if he wants to go home to his wife and kids. But it’s the goons who end up being kicked in the butt like useless morons. I love that scene, I have played it in my mind countless times.

So last night I had a very beautiful dream too. I was walking along Tom Mboya street talking on my iPhone6 when suddenly five mean looking goons wielding pocket knives confront me.

Goons: Oiye mseiya maliza kuongea na simu tuko na haraka

Me: Let me call you back honey, something urgent has come up.
Eti mnadai nini wasee?

Goons : Kwani hauna maskio ama unatubeba ufala nini?

Me: Mimi sina simu yenu…

Even before I could finish my statement, one of the goons tries to grab my phone. But he is met with a severe kick in the nuts and falls to the ground.

The one with a knife throws an attack which I dodge . I grabs his arm and breaks it into two like a piece of log using my shoulder. The knife drops down and the goons falls to the ground groaning in excruciating pain.

The third one tries to throw a kick which I dodge. I return a flying kick which lands on his head and he falls down like a sack of potatoes.

The fourth one picks a stone but am too quick for him. I land a kick on his belly which throws him into the air like a paper bag. The kick lands him on top of a matatu with a loud thud.

I am about to go for the last goon when suddenly I fall off the bed .I woke up kama nimekunja ngumi… yaani ngujite ngudi, shouting “mnacheza na nani?” arah,kari kiiii kari gani hii……

So it was just a dream? Mwathani!

That dream was too sweet so I tried to go back to sleep to continue to the next scene but to no avail…

Now am dreaming on how to join a taekwondo classes. Those Nairobi goons watajua hawajui…they will meet their match soon.


Did you know?

Did you know?
1. Luos don’t stagger when drunk, they just walk in Italics.
2. A luo doesn’t live in β€˜Nyumba Ya Mabati,β€˜ they live in Aluminium Apartments.
3. Luos don’t shout,… They talk in Upper case.
4. Luos don’t lose, they postpone victory.
5. Luos don’t fail exams, they just differ with the examiner.
6. Luos don’t wwalk around with phones,they circumnavigate around with cellular gadgets.
7. Luos don’t smile, the vessels in their cheeks rotate in a circular manner.
8. Luos don’t pee, they engage their urethra in an action of depositing ammonia through titration yawa!
9. Luos don’t attend events, their arrival is the event.
10. Learned luos don’t shave their hair, they cut down their academic fibres.
11. Luos don’t eat ordinary bread, it must be sanctioned by Baba or Obama.
12. Luos don’t cheat on their women, they just love every female equally.
13. Luos don’t become broke, they are on financial off peak.
14. Luos never slap women, they caress them at an accelerating speed.
15. Luos don’t throw stones, they just distribute natural resources vertically.
16.Luo is a lifestyle YAWA

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident..!

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident..!
It was a bad collision, caused by the woman’s reckless driving…
Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt..!
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says;
So, you’re a handsome man.., That’s interesting.. I’m a woman.._
Wow, just look at our ccars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt…_
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days…!_

The man replied,” I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!

The woman continued:
And look at this, here’s another miracle…_
My car is completely damaged, but this bottle of wine didn’t break…!_
Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune together…._
Then she hands the bottle to the man seductively…
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman…
The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man…
The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

She replies,
Nah. I think I’ll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence……_


Men will NEVER learn !

Marriage counseling and mathematics.

Again this is for men.
If you have Kshs. 2000 in the house and
your wife has Kshs. 48,000, the sum total of money
in that house is TWO THOUSAND SHILLINGS.
Do not bring war that we have fifty thousand shillings.
No. The correct position is that WE have two thousand shillings.
And you will live happily ever after till Kingdom come.
48000(wife) + 2000(husband) = 2000 (both).
That is the only math women know. And understand.
Remember all women came from the same school.
Do not cry ang’e here that l didn’t tell you.
Obey this math or perish. Let money not put asunder what God has made one.

Columbus Fun Site

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