Correction of some Funniest Jokes

Mountain View
Ile siku nitaona mwanamke anavuta mkokoteni bila shati πŸ™ Ndo ntajua #What_a_man_ can_do_a_woman_can_do_betterπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Nimeanza kupenda ujinga

Mountain ViewAn old man wrote a will to his two sons,
After my death demolish this house, you will find a metal case down the foundation where you shall find all my saving to support the rest of your life.”
They started praying to God! Oh lord father our Dad is too old, please take him to your kingdom. Two years later he died and was buried immediately. The following day the house was demolished, they found a case with peace of paper written! Now that you have destroyed what used to be mine. if you are real men,construct your own House’

Continue reading Correction of some Funniest Jokes

He makes everything clear in the best & easy way to understand

He makes everything clear in the best & easy way to understand.

I love this peace *WISE WORDS*
*Buffalos kill 7 people every year.*
*Lions kill 500 people every year.*
*Hippos kill 800 people every year.*
*Spiders kill 5000 people every year.*
*Scorpions kill 7000 people every year.*
*Snakes kill 10000 people every year.*
*And then, surprisingly,*
*Mosquitoes kill 2.7 million people every year. Yes, the smallest are the deadliest!*
*Small ‘sins’, hardly noticed by many, are the most deadly to your spiritual life.*
*Avoid excuses for not praying and allotting few moments of your day to your Creator.*
*Sins of omission are just as deadly as sins of commission.*
*Gossiping and small lies, are committed more frequently and are deadly.*
*Mind those little compromises that you do daily. They are the ones that will bring your downfall.*
*Successful people have two things on their lips, “Smile and silence”.*
*Smile can solve problems, while*
*Silence can avoid problems.*
*Sugar and salt may be mixed together*
*but ants reject the salt and carry away only the sugar.*
*Select the right people in life and make your life better and sweeter.*
*If you failed to achieve your dreams, change your ways not your Creator.*
*Remember, trees change their leaves, not their roots.*
*You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks at you.*
*Haters will see you walking on water and say it’s because you can’t swim.*
*Even if you dance on water, Your enemies will accuse you of raising dust.*
*Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your own hands.*
*Remember Don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.*
*BE WISE!*
If u must miss any place, dn’t miss PARADISE.
pls send this to all those u’ll like to see in PARADISE.

this one made me laugh till I lost my breath

When I was young we had a neighbour who had a Ugandan as a househelp. This lady only understood English not even a bit of swahili.
One day she came to look for mum but only my bro and I were around.

Her: Is mum around??
Bro:She has gone miracle there murungaru
Her:Wat??
Me:Eeh??
Bro: Argh! Kamau mwire Mami athire kiama murungaru πŸ˜•πŸ˜•
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ

I laughed till I lost my breath.. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

LAST NIGHT DREAM – THE TRANSPORTER:

Last night I was watching a movie, The Transporter. I think for the third time. I love Jason Statham’s action movies.

In the opening fight scene some goons armed with crow bars try to steal Frank Martin’s luxury Audi A8 sedan. They demand that he hands over the keys if he wants to go home to his wife and kids. But it’s the goons who end up being kicked in the butt like useless morons. I love that scene, I have played it in my mind countless times.

NAIROBBERY:
So last night I had a very beautiful dream too. I was walking along Tom Mboya street talking on my iPhone6 when suddenly five mean looking goons wielding pocket knives confront me.

Goons: Oiye mseiya maliza kuongea na simu tuko na haraka

Me: Let me call you back honey, something urgent has come up.
Eti mnadai nini wasee?

Goons : Kwani hauna maskio ama unatubeba ufala nini?

Me: Mimi sina simu yenu…

Even before I could finish my statement, one of the goons tries to grab my phone. But he is met with a severe kick in the nuts and falls to the ground.

The one with a knife throws an attack which I dodge . I grabs his arm and breaks it into two like a piece of log using my shoulder. The knife drops down and the goons falls to the ground groaning in excruciating pain.

The third one tries to throw a kick which I dodge. I return a flying kick which lands on his head and he falls down like a sack of potatoes.

The fourth one picks a stone but am too quick for him. I land a kick on his belly which throws him into the air like a paper bag. The kick lands him on top of a matatu with a loud thud.

I am about to go for the last goon when suddenly I fall off the bed .I woke up kama nimekunja ngumi… yaani ngujite ngudi, shouting “mnacheza na nani?” arah,kari kiiii kari gani hii……

So it was just a dream? Mwathani!

That dream was too sweet so I tried to go back to sleep to continue to the next scene but to no avail…

Now am dreaming on how to join a taekwondo classes. Those Nairobi goons watajua hawajui…they will meet their match soon.

HA!

Did you know?

Did you know?
1. Luos don’t stagger when drunk, they just walk in Italics.
2. A luo doesn’t live in β€˜Nyumba Ya Mabati,β€˜ they live in Aluminium Apartments.
3. Luos don’t shout,… They talk in Upper case.
4. Luos don’t lose, they postpone victory.
5. Luos don’t fail exams, they just differ with the examiner.
6. Luos don’t wwalk around with phones,they circumnavigate around with cellular gadgets.
7. Luos don’t smile, the vessels in their cheeks rotate in a circular manner.
8. Luos don’t pee, they engage their urethra in an action of depositing ammonia through titration yawa!
9. Luos don’t attend events, their arrival is the event.
10. Learned luos don’t shave their hair, they cut down their academic fibres.
11. Luos don’t eat ordinary bread, it must be sanctioned by Baba or Obama.
12. Luos don’t cheat on their women, they just love every female equally.
13. Luos don’t become broke, they are on financial off peak.
14. Luos never slap women, they caress them at an accelerating speed.
15. Luos don’t throw stones, they just distribute natural resources vertically.
16.Luo is a lifestyle YAWA
17.____________________

Columbus Fun Site

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